nocnt

Why you keep checking your ex’s profile, and how to stop

Looking at their Instagram again? It’s common, and it tends to keep the hurt going. What research says, and the settings that make checking harder.

Updated 4 min readSources at the end

You tell yourself you’re just looking. A story, their profile, who they follow now. Then it’s twenty minutes later and you feel worse than before you started.

If this is you, you’re in good company. Checking up on an ex online is common enough that researchers have a name for it: post-breakup surveillance. In nocnt, “Check their profile” is the urge people pick most often.

Why it’s so hard not to look

Checking usually isn’t curiosity. It’s a way of managing how you feel. People who are more upset after a breakup, especially those who didn’t choose it, are more likely to keep tabs on the ex online.1 Uncertainty plays a part too: people often check because they still don’t understand why it ended.2

Part of the pull may come from how the brain responds to someone you still love. In a small brain-imaging study of people who had recently been rejected, looking at a photo of the ex activated reward and motivation systems, including areas that other studies have linked with craving.3 That doesn’t make heartbreak an addiction. But it helps explain why “just one look” rarely stays one look.

What checking does

The research here is fairly consistent. Keeping tabs on an ex online goes with more distress about the breakup, more longing, and less personal growth afterwards.4 The same pattern shows up on Instagram.5

The strongest evidence comes from a set of four studies published in 2026. Actively looking at an ex’s social media predicted more breakup distress months later, and more distress the next day. When researchers made people focus on their ex’s profile, their mood dropped and they felt more jealous. Even coming across the ex’s posts by accident went with a worse mood that day.6

Most of this research shows links, not causes. Hurting leads to checking, and checking seems to keep the hurt going. You don’t need to settle which comes first, because both point the same way: see less of them.

Make it take more steps

You don’t have to block anyone to make checking harder. Pick the level that feels right. There are full step-by-step pages for Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, WhatsApp, iPhone and Facebook.

One thing to know: on Instagram, if you watch their story, they can see that you did.7 On TikTok, visiting their profile can show up for them if you both have profile view history switched on.8

Instagram

  • Mute their posts and stories. Instagram doesn’t tell them. Their Notes have a separate mute.9
  • Restrict them to keep things quiet without blocking. They can’t see when you’re online or whether you’ve read their messages, and their chats move to message requests.10
  • Hide your story from them. This isn’t a block: they can still see your profile and posts.11
  • Block them. They can’t find your profile, posts or story, and they aren’t notified. You can also block new accounts they create.12

TikTok

  • Mute their posts, or press and hold one of their videos and tap Not interested, then Creator. Muted people aren’t notified.13
  • Block them. Neither of you can see the other’s posts or send messages, though you may still come across them in someone else’s LIVE, a Duet or a group chat.14

Snapchat

  • Mute their story and their chat notifications without alerting them.15
  • Remove them as a friend, so they lose access to your private stories, or block them. A blocked person can still see anything you post publicly.16 17

Facebook

  • Take a Break was made for breakups: you see less of them, and you can limit what they see of you.18
  • Snooze hides their posts for 30 days without telling them. Unfollow hides their posts for good while you stay friends.19 20

iPhone Messages and WhatsApp

  • On iPhone, Hide Alerts mutes one conversation. But Apple shows the other person that you have notifications silenced.21 Blocking stops their calls and messages, and they aren’t notified.22
  • On WhatsApp, archive the chat so it leaves your main list. Archived chats stay quiet when new messages arrive, unless you’re mentioned or replied to.23 You can also hide their status updates, or block them.24 25

Two more things help: clear your recent searches, so their name isn’t one tap away, and move the app off your home screen for a few weeks.

When you catch yourself looking

It will happen. When it does, notice it without turning it into a verdict about yourself. Close the app, put the phone down, and give your hands something else to do. Pop some bubble wrap or breathe for two minutes.

Being kind to yourself here isn’t just a nice idea. In a study of people going through a divorce, those who spoke about the separation with more self-compassion had fewer intrusive thoughts about it, even nine months later.26

In nocnt, checking their profile has its own button. You can log it, and it doesn’t reset your count. Your History shows how often it happens.

Sources

  1. Fox, J., & Tokunaga, R. S. (2015). Romantic partner monitoring after breakups: Attachment, dependence, distress, and post-dissolution online surveillance via social networking sites. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 18(9), 491–498. doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2015.0123. 431 people; cross-sectional. ↩

  2. Tong, S. T. (2013). Facebook use during relationship termination: Uncertainty reduction and surveillance. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 16(11), 788–793. doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2012.0549. 110 people. ↩

  3. Fisher, H. E., Brown, L. L., Aron, A., Strong, G., & Mashek, D. (2010). Reward, addiction, and emotion regulation systems associated with rejection in love. Journal of Neurophysiology, 104(1), 51–60. doi.org/10.1152/jn.00784.2009. Brain imaging of 15 people. ↩

  4. Marshall, T. C. (2012). Facebook surveillance of former romantic partners: Associations with postbreakup recovery and personal growth. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 15(10), 521–526. doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2012.0125. 464 people, mostly young women; correlational. ↩

  5. Wegener, V., Bischoff, H., & Eichenberg, C. (2026). Post-breakup Instagram surveillance: Attachment style, personality traits, and breakup distress as predictors. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 29(9), 641–649. doi.org/10.1177/21522715261466015. 232 people aged 18–27. ↩

  6. Marshall, T. C. (2026). Social media observation of ex-partners is associated with greater breakup distress, negative affect, and jealousy. Computers in Human Behavior, 176, 108869. doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2025.108869. Four studies, 762 people. ↩

  7. Instagram Help Center: Who can tell that you’ve seen their Instagram story. ↩

  8. TikTok Help Center: Profile view history. ↩

  9. Instagram Help Center: Mute or unmute someone on Instagram. ↩

  10. Instagram Help Center: Restrict or unrestrict someone on Instagram. ↩

  11. Instagram Help Center: Hide your Instagram story from someone. ↩

  12. Instagram Help Center: Block or unblock someone on Instagram and What happens when you block someone. ↩

  13. TikTok Help Center: Muting. ↩

  14. TikTok Help Center: Blocking someone. ↩

  15. Snapchat Support: How do I mute someone on Snapchat? ↩

  16. Snapchat Support: How to remove a friend on Snapchat. ↩

  17. Snapchat Support: How do I block a friend on Snapchat? ↩

  18. Facebook Help Center: Take a break from someone’s profile in Facebook. ↩

  19. Facebook Help Center: Snooze a person, Page or group on Facebook. ↩

  20. Facebook Help Center: Unfollow a person, Page or group on Facebook. ↩

  21. Apple Support: Stop, mute, and change message notifications on iPhone. ↩

  22. Apple Support: Block phone numbers, contacts, and emails on your iPhone or iPad. ↩

  23. WhatsApp Help Center: How to archive or unarchive a chat or group. ↩

  24. WhatsApp Help Center: How to hide and unhide statuses. ↩

  25. WhatsApp Help Center: How to block and report someone. ↩

  26. Sbarra, D. A., Smith, H. L., & Mehl, M. R. (2012). When leaving your ex, love yourself: Observational ratings of self-compassion predict the course of emotional recovery following marital separation. Psychological Science, 23(3), 261–269. doi.org/10.1177/0956797611429466. 109 divorcing adults. ↩

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